


20 Years

by darlingharlotv2



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: Divorce, F/F, F/M, M/M, Post-Divorce, School Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28483488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingharlotv2/pseuds/darlingharlotv2
Summary: Degrassi is throwing a reunion and it's sure to bring the drama. Manny Santos is returning from LA and is unsure of how to react to being around Jay after their divorce. Will things rekindle or will they stay apart?There is a playlist (not really in order with the story) to go along with this. This was a one-shot a friend requested of me.
Relationships: Ashley Kerwin/Craig Manning, Hazel Aden/Jimmy Brooks, Jay Hogart/Manuela "Manny" Santos, Paige Michalchuk/Alexandra "Alex" Nuñez, Sean Cameron/Emma Nelson, Terri MacGregor/Gavin "Spinner" Mason
Kudos: 1





	20 Years

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone enjoys this. A friend requested an angsty one-shot of divorced Janny. Let me know if you see a mistake. It does switch between Jay and Manny POV, sort of. (Jay is in italics) 
> 
> Playlist:  
> I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Miya Folick (cover)  
> break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored - ariana grande  
> Romance - Ex:Re  
> I can't keep you - Ex:Re  
> Smother - Daughter  
> Youth - Daughter  
> Graveyard - Halsey  
> Still - Daughter  
> Numbers - Daughter  
> Don't You Worry - Oh Wonder  
> False God - Taylor Swift  
> Alone/With You - Daughter  
> To Belong - Daughter  
> Exception to the Rule - Better Oblivion Community Center  
> Fossa - Daughter  
> tolerate it - Taylor Swift  
> Burn It Down - Daughter  
> willow - Taylor Swift  
> champagne problems - Taylor Swift  
> Big Black Heart - Better Oblivion Community Center  
> You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. - Bright Eyes  
> Back To You - Selena Gomez  
> Crash My Party - Cassie Steele (played in Degrassi)  
> I Trust You - Cassie Steele (played in Degrassi)  
> Life is a Show - Cassie Steele (played in Degrassi)  
> I Will Love You - Gin Wigmore  
> Beautifully Undone - Lindy  
> this is me trying - Taylor Swift  
> closure - Taylor Swift

Manny checked her hair one more time in the hotel mirror. Memories of Degrassi filled her head. Craig. Jay. The pregnancy. Jay. The shooting. Jay. JT. Jay. Things she tried her best to not think about. Things she’s buried deep over the past 15 years. She twists the band on her finger, thinking over her failed attempt. Things had been going so strong. They loved each other. They were unstoppable. He loved her like no one ever had. And then one day all they did was fight. He wanted a family and she wanted a career. He hated her career. He hated the city. He hated her.

Manny took a deep breath, sitting on the bed to catch her breath. No, she’s remembering wrong again. He didn’t hate her. He just fell out of love with her. One day they were happy and married and the next he left the divorce papers on the counter and moved back to Toronto. Maybe the mistake was she didn’t fight to understand why he was angry. To understand what made him unhappy. Not even the times they had hooked up when she had been back visiting in the early days. She spun the band again as Mark came out of the bathroom and grinned his stupid grin. “Isn’t it going to be great to tell all your little friends you’re marrying a  _ real  _ celebrity?” Manny smiled.

__ __ _ “So is everyone going to be back?” Jennifer asked, zipping up her dress. James was playing music loudly in his room, clearly annoyed he didn’t get to come tonight. Jennifer was also clearly hinting at wondering if one person would be in attendance. Jay straightened his shirt and shrugged. _

__ __ _ “Emma made it sound like it.” Jennifer smiled, weakly. She hated these events. She hated thinking of Degrassi. She, like him, couldn’t let go of all the memories the school held. She couldn’t let go of Manny who was a lingering cloud in their relationship, no matter what he did to prove their marriage was all that mattered to him. Besides James and Quinn. _

__ __ _ “I’ve never understood why your class always meets with the younger,” Jennifer says quietly. Jay twists the ring on his finger. This fight is tiring. “I don’t understand why you go. You never finished.” She says it in her sweet voice but the viciousness is there. The distaste. They never talk about it but Jennifer knows Manny runs through his head still. He still tries to figure out why the fighting started. Why they could never get back on track afterwards. _

__ __ _ “They are my friends,” Jay said, putting on his jacket. Jennifer hmphed but said no more. Jay twisted the ring again. _

__

__ __ “Manny!!” Emma squealed as Manny and Mark walked into the school. Manny smiled and hugged Emma, feeling at home for the first time in a long time. Emma always helped her feel grounded. Emma noticed Mark and almost lost her smile but kept her poker face. She looked back to Manny, “I’m so glad you could make it! No big movies to shoot?” Mark chuckled behind Manny, but Manny managed to stay calm.

“It’s Degrassi. I made time,” she said. Emma grinned and moved to Manny’s side, linking arms. “Show me all the memories.” Emma led them towards the hallway filled with photos as Mark lingered behind, scrolling on his phone, already bored with the situation. He had told her many times that this was a waste, and she should be working to save her career but as he was the one who tanked it; what harm could come from returning home? She had to come anyway. She hated letting James fly alone.

_ Jay led Jennifer into the school. She held his hand, but he could feel the disconnect and her unhappiness. She had been silent in the car after begging one last time for him to not go to this. He had snapped at her; told her that he could go alone. He wanted to apologize but he also felt that this was a fight they had had for 10 years. He knew her uneasiness came from that reunion, but 10 years together should have proven he was in this relationship. They went to sign the guestbook and while looking at the page, Jennifer let go of his hand. He furrowed his brow a bit and looked down.  _ Manuella Santos.  _ The last name before his own was Manny. He pretended not to feel the tug at his heart and signed his own name.  _ Jason Hogart.  _ Jay scanned the list and saw Alex had signed only a few people ahead of Manny. A lifesaver. Jennifer could at least stand Alex even if she could not stand Paige. _

__ __ _ “Do you want to-” Jay started but Emma had spotted them, leading a reluctant Manny with her. _

__ __ _ “Jay!! Alex didn’t think you were coming!” Emma exclaimed as she pulled him into a hug. Manny had pulled free and was standing a few feet back. They made eye-contact and quickly looked away as Emma pulled free. “Alex was certain that Jennifer wouldn’t let you come.” She said it with a slight laugh. Manny shot a quick glance over to Jennifer who cleared her throat. Emma continued, unphased. “You’ll never guess! Craig and Ashley were able to make a stop along their tour. They made it to this one. They are inside with Jimmy.” _

__ __ _ A man stepped up to Manny, wrapping his arm over her shoulders. Manny always hated that; felt it was too possessive. Jennifer cocked an eyebrow. “Jimmy, the one Jay helped get shot.” Jennifer was being aggressive. She wanted people to make him feel unwelcome so they could leave. Jay knew that; knew that she would say anything to make this awkward. Emma shot her a look as the guy beside Manny rose his eyebrows at her. But Manny was watching Jay. _

__ __ _ “This night is supposed to be fun. Let’s not be assholes.” Emma said it in a final tone before returning to her natural smile. “Anyway, that hallway is full of everyone’s mementos! The gym is where everything else is. You and Manny should definitely perform! Studz and Downtown are going too.” Emma tossed her hair, ignored Jennifer, and walked off, Manny and the guy following. Jay twisted the ring one more time. _

__ __ _ “God, she can be such a -” Jennifer started but Jay shot her a look. _

__ __ _ “Can we all just be adults?” _

__

“I can’t believe you let James be around her,” Emma muttered as the group walked into the gym. Manny rolled her eyes slightly.

“I don’t think I get much choice. They’ve been together all this time, Emma. They’re married. I can’t tell James’ dad his wife can’t be around our son.” Emma hmphed at this but thankfully let it drop as they sat down at the table Sean had reserved. He greeted Mark and Manny and then shot a look at Emma and Manny’s heart dropped. “Emma, you didn’t!”

Emma shot her an innocent look; one Manny knew well. Manny grabbed the other place cards. Gavin. Terri. Jason. Jennifer. “Emma Christine Nelson!”

“Cameron,” Emma added. Manny narrowed her eyes and Emma shrugged, blowing the whole thing off. “Sean and Jay are friends. So are Spin and Jay.” Manny shot a look at Mark, who once again was deeply involved in his phone, and then glowered at Emma.

“Emma! Jennifer-”

“Hey,” Sean said, holding up his hands. “We’re all adults. I think we can make it through one night. Clearly, she agrees. She showed up.” Emma smiled in triumph and gave Sean a peck on the cheek. “Plus, Spinner is Emma’s ex.”

Manny sat back in her chair, crossing her arms against her chest. “It’s not the same.” Emma and Sean exchanged a knowing look which only annoyed Manny further. They were over. So over. They tried the whole marriage thing, and it did not work. He hated LA, he hated being married, and he was not in love with Manny. Those hookups were always just about sex. No matter what she did to initiate a reunion, he never seemed interested. Then he met Jennifer. One drunken night at the last reunion changed nothing for their relationship but adding another person into the mix. He stayed with Jennifer and 2 years later, welcomed a daughter. And then he fought for custody of James. Manny shivered, remembering how aggressive Jay and Jennifer were in trying to prove Manny’s lifestyle unfit for a child. As if she would ever endanger her own son’s life. That old anger threatened to boil to her surface, but she took a deep breath. They had eventually found a rhythm. Sure, she only got James for the summer and Christmas, but she could visit when she was in Canada. He included her in parenting decisions. It could be worse.

_ Jay grabbed a glass of punch as he entered the gym. Alex grinned to herself as she followed suit. She always enjoyed catching Jay in fights; as if she had not gotten enough when the pair had been together. She thrived off the drama and maybe that is how she kept her relationship with Paige so healthy. Alex had walked into the fight just as Jennifer decided to grab a cab home. Jay knew he would have to eventually ask Emma or Alex for a place to stay but that was future Jay’s problem. He had made his decision to forego his own bed when he did not follow her out. And when he caught Manny’s eye as she did a pass-over of the room, he knew he had made the right choice. She smiled and shot a pointed look at Emma before nodding to an empty chair at her table. Jay smirked before turning to Alex. “What table are you at?” _

__ __ _ “Jimmy and Hazel. Craig and Ashley. Marco and Milo. Ellie and Patrick. Where else do you expect the queen to sit?” Jay chuckled. Alex got a knowing smile and nudged Jay. “Greenpeace over there sat you with Sean and Spinner.” _

__ __ _ “Would you expect anything else?” _

__ __ _ “I think she liked the ravine more than anyone knows,” Alex joked before making her way over to her table. Jay grabbed two more glasses and headed over, ignoring the rational side of his brain that said to remember he was a married man. _

__ __ _ He set one of the glasses down in front of Manny before quietly taking his seat. Manny shot him a look of gratitude before nudging the guy next to her. “Jay, this is Mark. Mark, this is James’ dad.” Jay’s heart sank a little as he noticed a ring that was not his on her left hand. Mark murmured a greeting. Manny continued, as if Mark had been polite, “I was going to introduce you over Christmas, but Mark was busy …” _

__ __ _ “Busy in rehab!” Spinner said as he and Terri took their seats. “This is Mark Lyle. Leading man of Hollywood. Didn’t he cause a big scene on your last movie?” Jay suddenly remembered Jennifer ranting about this. Mark and Manny had done a movie together. Oscar-worthy. But then the pair was linked up and Jennifer had wanted James to not go back over Christmas when James had said he had met Mark over last summer. Then Manny had gotten the role she had always wanted; a live-action Little Mermaid. Ariel was always her favorite princess. But she had been dropped from the movie when Mark had shown up and been aggressive with her. Manny had assured them Mark would not be around for Christmas. And Manny had not scored another role since. But Mark had, he had two movie deals following his stint in rehab. Jay shot her a look. _

__ __ _ “He completed rehab and has been clean since,” Manny said in a quiet voice. She looked up at Jay and the pair said at the same time, “We should talk.” _

__

Manny had no more than stood up before Jay had grasped onto her hand and led her from the gym. He led her towards the front offices, away from the memories and the gym. His hand still felt nice wrapped around hers. She knew she should have told him about the visit to the rehab when Mark proposed. That Mark was in her life. She knew she should not have sprung it on him. But he had threatened to take James when she was not even linked to drugs or alcohol but just because he hated Hollywood. She could not risk losing James now. Besides, Mark seemed to like James. But deep down, Manny loved how fierce Jay was about protecting James.

“Manny, you can’t be serious!”

“He’s clean now. James is safe. I would never...”

“He attacked you, doll face. You can say the tabloids are lies, but court records don’t lie. We saw the records from the studio suing you,” Jay continued, over her. Manny’s heart stopped for a moment. He was upset…about her.

“It was a mistake. It was one time. He’s better now. Please don’t take James from me!” Jay’s face fell and then he furrowed his brow.

“Manny, I’m concerned about you.” Manny felt the familiar pang in her heart. She must have frowned because Jay continued, “James too, obviously. But right now, I am worried about you. There are better men out there for you.” In an instant, Manny was annoyed. She took a step back trying to process everything. Better men? The only person Manny wanted was in front of her and she was nothing to him.

“I’m fine. Like I said, it was one time. I would never endanger James.” Jay’s face told her that he understood her tone but didn’t understand how they got there. “You don’t have to worry about me. I know he loves me. We’re fine.”

“I’m – Manny, I am worried because I care not because I have to.”

“Stop.” Jay rose his eyebrows at this.

“It just seems that you have a taste for men who treat you like shit. Craig. Mick. Mark. You’re worth more than that,” Jay continued. Manny pursed her lips.

“I don’t think my love life is your business, Jason,” Manny snapped. Jay opened his mouth to respond but Manny cut him off. “Seriously. It’s none of your business.”

“When it involves my son, it is. Manuella.”

“I didn’t get any say in your relationship with Jennifer.”

“You don’t need any involvement in that relationship! She never assaulted me!” Jay snapped. Manny knew she was pushing him, but she didn’t know how to stop now.

“No, but she’s emotionally abusive.” Jay ran a hand through his hair, taking a step away from her. She hadn’t noticed how they had slowly been drawn in close. She knew she should stop. That she had made her point. But she continued, “We share a son but that is all. You have no right to comment on my relationships.”

“Sharing a son is all we have? Really, Manny?” Jay took a step towards her. “If my son is around him, I have every right to comment.” Manny went to interrupt but he held up a hand to show he was not done. “Then there’s the fact that I care about you. You’ve made your opinion of Jennifer well known all these years.”

“I think you’re confusing  _ her  _ opinion of me. He’s my son too. Let me be happy,” Manny snapped. She could sense this fight was getting heated, but Liberty stepped in, looking excited. Or maybe pretending to be excited to break up whatever tension was happening.

“Manny! We’d love it if you and Jay could step in and play a song. Jane decided not to show up so we don’t have Janie and the Studs.” Manny and Jay exchanged a look and Manny smiled at Liberty.

“Of course. One song though.” Liberty looked excited but was hesitant to rush off. She looked between the two and lingered for a moment before slowly walking away. Manny tossed her hair over her shoulder and added to Jay, “You’re not the only one allowed to move on. Let other people be happy. We’re not together.” She walked off towards Liberty, linking arms and leading the pair into the gym. 

_ Jay lingered behind, trying to get a hold on himself. He forgot how heated they could make each other. Especially when she ignored how much he loved her. It was like she refused to acknowledge his love and refused to accept it. Like it wasn’t good enough. Or maybe it was too good. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to make himself forget how wonderful she smelled. Or how she still reserved that special smile for him. Or how nice it had been holding her hand again. Or how insanely sexy she was when she was pissed.  _

_ Why was it always like this for them? They had been so good for so long and then one day it seemed like everything he did upset Manny. She never wanted to go home but just stay in LA. She was so focused on her career. She kept pushing off them having a family. It was like one day she realized he wasn’t enough for her. He had tried to fix it. Be something better, for her. But even that failed to impress her. So he left. And she didn’t seem to be phased. But he had missed her so much. They had tried making it work. Or he had. But it seemed to be only about sex for her.  _

_ And then Jennifer came into the picture. And Jay had gotten so wrapped up in the fact Jennifer wanted all the things Manny refused. And then Manny was no longer interested in anything about Jay. _

_ Except that night that they made James. Jay had thought they had a chance then but Manny hadn’t asked for him. She didn’t seem to want him. So Jay put it all aside. _

_ But it was always there. The love and desire.  _

_ He was deep in his own thoughts when Spinner and Sean approached. Obviously the girls had sent them to make sure things were still good. Liberty had clearly sensed they were having a fight.  _

_ Was it even a fight?  _

_ “Manny is still a firecracker,” Spinner joked. He shifted slightly. Then added, “Listen, I thought you knew about Mark. I probably should have held onto that information until we could talk in private. Or...Manny told you. I just couldn’t believe she’s still with him.” Jay shot him a look and Spinner smiled sheepishly. Sean noticed and rolled his eyes. _

_ “Manny would never do anything to endanger James. Nor would she let him be around if James was doing anything to her. You know Manny better than that.” Jay shrugged and Sean shook his head. “I know Manny better than that. And so does Emma. Emma’s been around them. She hasn’t complained about anything other than he leaves a lot. And he’s on his phone a lot.” _

_ “Promising,” Jay muttered. “My son will be around an inattentive asshole.” _

_ “Manny is a good mom. James will be fine,” Sean said, almost forcefully. He always defended her. Made Jay feel like he was overreacting. “She never commented on Jennifer -“ _

_ “You know that’s a lie,” Jay snapped. _

_ “She was hurt! You met her and moved on pretty quickly. You’ve been apart for 15 years! And you kept hooking up with her.” There was some bite to Sean’s tone now. “Leave this alone, Jay. Unless you have solid evidence it’s bad, leave it alone.”  _

_ “I’m just looking out for her!” _

_ “That’s not your job anymore,” Sean snapped. Spinner tentatively stepped between them, unsure of what Sean’s tone implied. “You’re not being a protective dad and you’re not being a friend. You’re being a jealous lover.” Jay opened his mouth to protest. “And Manny has never done well with being bombarded with demands,” Sean added, with subtle hints behind the message. Jay narrowed his eyes, wanting to fight, but despite him wanting Manny away from Mark, despite wanting Manny for himself; they were right.  _

_ Jay sighed heavily, feeling the weight of it all. “I love her.” _

Manny sank back into her chair between Emma and Mark. Mark was still paying more attention to his phone than anything. Manny wanted to scream, to shake him, to just be rid of him. She just wanted someone to fill the void at the time. And then he kept coming around, thinking it was serious, depending on her. It allowed her to forget how dissatisfied she was with her romantic life. Then she found out about his alcohol and drug problems. She had ended it, something no one knew. That’s why he showed up on set. That’s why he attacked her. And then she just wanted to make Jay jealous. Showing up here alone, with a failing career because of Mark...that would have been too much. But now how did she end things? He must have noticed her watching him because he looked up at her and rolled his eyes. He hated everything that did not center on him.

“You can go back to LA.” Mark raised an eyebrow and Emma shot Manny a look. Manny, however, took a long drink of her punch and stood up. “You can go back to LA to  _ your  _ home.” She stood up and made her way over to Marco. So what if Ellie, Craig, and Ashley were around him? Anyone was better than Mark. Anyone was better than Emma’s endless questions. Emma never got over Sean so why should she have to get over Jay? Manny slid into the chair next to Marco who looked over at her ecastically. 

“I didn’t see you had arrived!” Marco said, hugging her from the side. Ellie rolled her eyes, ever so slightly, but Craig and Ashley both smiled warmly at her. Manny decided not to try to unpack Ashley’s sudden change in opinion of her. “How’s LA treating you?”

“Didn’t you lose your last job?” Ellie asked. Manny assumed it was meant to be quiet, meant for no one to hear, but they all did. This was exactly why she had wanted Mark to come. To hide from these questions. 

“I am thinking of going back to the theatre,” Manny found herself answering. She had never thought of that but now it seemed right. James would love New York and she could restart her career. Maybe find a real life there. She’d be close to Toronto too. Closer to James. Maybe the custody agreement could change. She’d be closer to Jay too. That thought tugged at her heart more than she liked. Being closer to Jay wouldn’t change that he no longer loved her.

“Going back would imply you were in-” Ellie started but Ashley quickly cut in. “You would do well in New York. Craig and I love it.” Manny smiled. Maybe the whole theory that people grow up eventually was true. Maybe it was possible for her and Ashley to put aside that silly drama. It’s not like Craig held any appeal to Manny now.

“We could show you all the best spots,” Craig added in. Ellie looked between Ashley and Craig, scrunched up her nose and stood up.

“Where is the alcohol?” She walked off, clearly upset. Manny was sure it was something she had done. It was always her fault when Craig messed up. Ashley and Craig were looking at her expectantly and Manny shoved down the uneasy feeling.

“That would be helpful but Jane is in New York too.” Ashley and Craig shared a disappointed look. Marco started talking up a storm about how great it was to be a teacher. Manny wanted to be interested but Jay had walked back into the gym. 

_ Jay walked back into the gym and noticed Manny had moved over to sit with Marco, Craig, and that weird goth girl. He caught her looking up at him and then turned her attention to Craig with a big smile. He sat back down at his table with Sean and Emma and noticed Mark had gone. He did a quick scan of the gym and then looked back at Emma. “Where did Manny’s man go?”  _

_ Emma shifted uncomfortably and he could tell she wanted to tell the truth but was going to lie. “He wasn’t feeling well. He went back to the hotel.” Jay pursed his lips a bit, nodding, before looking back at Manny. She was laughing at something Craig was saying. Go figure. She had told Jay all about her infatuation with Craig when she was young. She seemed to be drawn back into his charms. This shouldn’t bother Jay but it felt like he was losing her all over again. He missed when she smiled at him that way. Emma cleared her throat and said quietly, “Jay, I think...I think her and Mark broke up.”  _

_ “Can’t say I’m too bummed about that.” Jay sighed a bit and then saw Alex with Paige talking with Hazel and Jimmy and Terri. He also noticed the drink in Paige’s hand and felt instant relief. The alcohol had been broken out. Jay stood up, heading towards the bar before making his way to Alex. If Manny had broken up with Mark, she was clear to make a move on Craig, and he was going to need alcohol to get through having to watch that. Maybe Jennifer was right; this reunion was a bad idea. Jay slid in next to Alex just as Spinner joined Terri. Jimmy and Hazel barely acknowledged him but Paige and Terri were friendlier. It wasn’t like Jay was really over here for their riveting conversation; it was closer to Manny. _

_ “It’s like high school never ended,” Alex teased, noticing where Jay was looking.  _

_ “It’s none of my business,” Jay muttered, making himself look away. Alex grinned. “If it were really still high school, wouldn’t we be dating?” _

_ Alex laughed and nudged him, “No because you would have taken Amy and Emma to the ravine.” Jay grinned and Alex continued, “I’m not going to help you make Manny jealous. She wouldn’t be jealous of me anyway.” Jay shook his head, losing his grin which made Alex laugh again. “You’re both still-” _

_ “Alex, drop it.” He could feel Alex getting annoyed so he went for a topic he knew would distract her. “Have you and Paige talked more about adoption or are you doing surrogacy?” Alex got a happy grin and Jay felt the same elation he did when Manny told him she was pregnant. _

_ “We went with surrogacy. Took the test a couple of weeks ago. I’m carrying our first kid.” Jay hugged Alex tight. Alex laughed again and playfully nudged him, “You’re such a softy now.” _

_ “I can’t think of better parents. I’m so happy for you two!”  _

_ “We aren’t telling anyone right now but I think Paige will let me get away with this. To cheer you up.” Jay grinned. _

_ “Guess I’ll have to drink for you then since you can’t join me.”  _

Manny was well on her way to being drunk. Marco was enthralled with her life and Ellie and her boyfriend were being as friendly as Ellie was ever going to get. Manny could feel Jay watching her so she allowed Ashley and Craig to keep their flirtatious behavior going but she wasn’t drunk enough to reciprocate yet. Sure, Craig was still attractive and once upon a time he was everything to Manny - but when she thought of what she really wanted, Craig was far from it. But maybe one good fling could be fun. Jay was never going to agree to it so why not find fun elsewhere? Hadn’t that been the whole reason Mark had been in her life? She sighed slightly as Ashley passed her another drink. Manny knew she shouldn’t drink so much, that she would regret it in the morning, but she wasn’t strong enough to be around Jay without being too drunk to remember he wasn’t with her anymore.

“Craig, Ashley...I think it’s time for some music. Are you still going to do a few songs? I thought you guys could start, Jay and Manny could go, and then Studz,” Liberty said, coming to the table. The pair stood up, Craig shot a wink at Manny, and Manny had the horrible realization that she was going to have to perform, drunk, with Jay. Liberty shot Manny a smile before venturing off, probably to find Peter and Sav and make sure they were also ready. Marco was busy with Milo but Ellie was sitting quietly.

“It has to suck being around drunk people,” Manny slurred slightly. Ellie looked at her, slightly surprised. “Is it hard?”

“How’d you know?”

“You’re not drinking but you're fidgeting. I work in Hollywood. I know the signs, Ellie.” Ellie raised her eyebrows and nodded, looking awkward. Manny shifted slightly. She had always liked Ellie, even when she wanted Ellie to think she didn’t. “Was it...was it just to cope again? Or do you think...sorry Craig told me.”

“Are you digging for dirt?” Ellie snapped and Manny frowned.

“No. I just.” Manny sighed, and looked over at Jay before looking back at Ellie. “I get feeling like everything is wrong. Or not right. And wanting something to take it away. I just...I wasn’t sure if that’s why you turned to it after….” Manny trailed off, trying not to look down at Ellie’s arms.

“You’re telling me that perfect little Manny -” Ellie started but then saw the look on Manny’s face. Ellie frowned and shook her head. “It sucks when you don’t feel wanted.” Manny nodded. “It wasn’t because of Craig. Or you. It was probably both.” Ellie bit her lip slightly and then asked, “Why do you do it?”

“Craig never loved me, you know. I mean….not like I wanted. I was so jealous of you because the attention he gave you was so similar to Ashley. I never felt good enough or smart enough. It sucked. I never had to compete when it came to Jay. But now….it sucks wanting someone who doesn’t want you,” Manny word-vomited. Ellie made a move that looked like she was going to hug her but then stopped. “Patrick seems like a nice guy. You deserve that.”

“You deserve better than that asshole you showed up with.” Manny laughed and Ellie patted Manny’s arm. “You do know Jay has been watching you all night. I don’t think it’s-”

“He doesn’t trust me. He’s probably looking for a reason to take James from me.” Ellie scoffed at this but what did she know? Jay had proved time and time again that there was nothing between them but James. And sometimes Manny could sense Jay wished that James was Jennifer’s. Manny only complicated his perfect life and marriage. Manny finished her drink and sighed. “I hope everyone else is too drunk to not notice how bad I’m about to perform.” 

“Ashley and Craig aren’t in perfect form either,” Ellie noted, nodding towards the stage. For the first time, Manny noticed Ashley was slightly off-key and was slightly slurring her words but everyone was enjoying themselves. Ellie leaned closer to Manny and muttered, “By the way. I’m pretty sure they are going to proposition you.”

Manny looked at her, confused, “For what? A tour?” Ellie snorted but was interrupted by Jay walking up to the pair. Manny could tell he was on his way to being drunk and she remembered all the times they would go out and come home drunk and in love. They’d stumble and fumble around, laughing, until it became too much and they had to go at it. It’s how they had made James 10 years ago. Too drunk, slightly annoyed with each other. He had a slight smirk on his face and Manny wanted to believe that he still felt something for her. No matter how small. Because Manny would risk everything for him.

_ Jay loved that Manny was paying no attention to Craig who was performing and doing his best to catch Manny’s attention. Maybe he had been reading everything wrong tonight. Maybe Paige had a point and Manny was trying to make him jealous. It wouldn’t be the first time. Manny would subtly flirt with guys at the bars to rile Jay up back in the early days. She liked that Jay would get slightly possessive and then when they stumbled home, he would want to ravish her. The thing that started to bother Jay was he felt that way all the time and he didn’t need her to flirt with other guys to feel that way. But no matter how many times he told her that, it was like she refused to believe that’s how he felt about her. But then there was the reunion 10 years ago. She had straight up ignored him which drove him wild. Him and Jennifer had fought about him proving he was serious and Manny’s little game had driven him wild. He smirked ever so slightly at the memory and noticed Manny was smiling her smile. It wasn’t as big as usual, but her nose was slightly scrunched up and her eyes were sparkling. He felt his heart literally skip a beat. But no, it was probably just the alcohol. _

_ Jay sat across from Manny as Craig and Ashley went into a new song. “So. I think we should play Crash My Party and Life is a Show.” _

_ Manny furrowed her brow for a moment and then nodded. “Yeah.” They were quiet for a moment and then the former goth girl next to Manny smiled before excusing herself. “Upbeat songs are a good choice.” _

_ “Better than this,” Jay replied, joking slightly. Manny grinned. He always loved it when he could make Manny laugh or smile. “Definitely more attractive too.” _

_ “That’s a given.” It seemed like Manny had more to say but a drunken Emma fell into the seat beside her. “Drunk Emma. It’s been awhile.” _

_ Emma smiled, happily, and then pulled Manny to her. “You two just need to get back together! You’re driving everyone crazy!” Jay was worried that this would upset Manny, or annoy her, but instead Manny grinned at Emma but then shrugged. _

_ “Maybe later.” Emma clapped her hands and then hugged Manny tight. _

_ “I knew it!” Before Jay could really unpack what Manny meant, Liberty was rushing towards them. Maybe this whole performing thing would do them some good. Manny was always her happiest up on the stage. _

_ Craig and Ashley finished their last song and Manny leaned into Jay, slightly unsteady. He could smell her perfume and shampoo. He could feel her body heat. Everything in him wanted to grab her and kiss her. She put a hand on his chest to steady herself, smiled her sweet smile, and said, “Oh. I think we should also play I Trust You. I know you love it.” Jay felt, more than ever, now was the time to just kiss her but she pulled away as Craig walked backstage. Without warning, or prompting, Craig pulled Manny into a hug and gave her a kiss on the cheek. _

_ “Go kill it out there!” _

_ Manny seemed swept up by the whole thing and Jay had to hide his disappointment. Manny was drunk. There were no deeper feelings there. Manny turned to Jay and smiled her first real big special smile and Jay’s heart skipped a beat again. “Come on!” she squealed, grabbing his hand and pulling him out onto the stage. Jay took a deep breath and went behind the drums as Sav took up a guitar and Danny took up the bass. He knew it was coming because she always did it but he relished in it when Manny turned to him and blew him a kiss before turning back to the mic to let everyone know Crash My Party was the first song. _

_ Jay loved watching Manny on stage. She always seemed to be the most confident and happy and he had always wished he could somehow bring that magic home for her. He tried to make her feel confident and happy but it never seemed to be enough. But tonight, tonight she was simply radiating. She had everyone on their feet with the first song so when she slipped into I Trust You, everyone fell into slow dancing. She had written this song for Jay but tonight, tonight the song felt deeper than it ever had. When Manny got to the line “and as each goes down, let love start again” she looked directly at Jay. Like it was a hidden message he needed to decode. _

Manny rushed backstage. She felt high and elated. No longer drunk but running on the pure elation of having a good set, no matter how short it was. She wanted to jump into Jay’s arms and just forget everything. She had definitely sensed the electricity between them on stage. He had to have caught her meaning during I Trust You. But before she could celebrate with Jay, Craig and Ashley had cornered her. She was going to fight through them but Jay only shot her a small smile and nod before he walked back into the main part of the gym, leaving Manny to Craig and Ashley. Maybe she had guessed wrong. Or maybe, maybe Jay just truly didn’t feel that way about her in any sense anymore. It felt like a huge weight had dropped on her at that moment. So when Craig leaned in a little too close, Manny went for it and kissed him. His kiss was familiar but unlike all the times before, it did little for her. He was into it but then...Craig was always into it. She felt a hand go into her hair and it immediately caused her to step back, letting her see that Jay had seen the whole thing.

“What’s wrong?” Ashley asked, bringing Manny back to the present. It dawned on her then what Ellie had meant and it caused her to chuckle nervously.

“This,” Manny said, waving her arms between the three of them, “It isn’t happening. I mean...flattered but...no.” Manny paused for a moment, considering the idea and then turned to Ashley, pulling her in for a kiss. She pulled away and nodded, sure in her choice. “No, not happening.” 

Manny found Jay across the street on the picnic table, laying on the top and staring at the sky. She climbed up and sat next to him, frowning. He looked up at her and thumbed the furrow in her brow so she’d relax her face. “That’s how you get wrinkles, remember, doll face?”

Tears welled up in her eyes, 16 years of emotions boiling over. The sweet gesture reminded her of all the others and the words spilled out before she could stop them, “What did I do to make you stop loving me?” 

Jay sat up in a flash, shocked, and hurt. “What?”

“What did I do wrong? Why did you leave me? How was it so easy for you to move on with Jennifer? I am still so in love with you but I clearly did something to make you stop. And I need to know what it was.” Manny felt choked by the words spilling out but nothing seemed to stop them. Her chest heaved slightly and she let out a soft sob. “Was I just….is Jennifer better for you?”

_ Another sob escaped and Jay felt like his heart had crumbled to pieces. He wanted to hold her. To make her feel better. The moment so long ago when he held her because of how badly Mick had hurt her swam in his head, making him slightly nauseous. Jay had caused similar, if not worse, pain to Manny. “You did nothing wrong, Manny. Nothing.” _

_ That seemed to make it worse as Manny slumped, fresh tears spilling out. “Then explain why you don’t love me anymore when I love you so much.” _

_ Jay had to fight the urge to pull her into a kiss. That wasn’t going to fix anything. “I’m madly in love with you, Manny. I thought….I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I left because -” Jay was roughly cut off by Manny throwing herself on him, kissing him as if her life depended on it. His hand went deep into her hair and the other on the small of her back to pull her closer to him. The kiss was like the first breath of fresh air after you were suffocating. Manny wrapped her arms around his neck; the pair of them trying to bring the other as close as possible to themselves. Jay had no idea how far it would have gotten if someone hadn’t slammed a car door. The pair fell apart, panting. “I thought I was ruining everything for you. I wanted things you didn’t and I thought you resented me. I thought...I thought you had stopped loving me. I was trying to save myself pain.” _

_ Manny tossed her hair over her shoulder and said, “That is the dumbest thing you have ever said. Why didn’t you just ask me?” _

_ “Why didn’t you ask me?” _

_ “I did! Jay, I tried endlessly to understand what happened!” Manny snapped, getting off the table and standing up. “I kept coming back to Toronto to make things work. I kept trying to talk to you! And then Jennifer popped up. And I thought we were getting somewhere at the last reunion and...Jay, you left me. And then you tried to take our son from me.” _

_ “Jennifer needed proof that I was serious about her.” _

_ Manny sucked in a shaky breath and all the elation Jay had felt from the kiss washed right out of him. “What about me?” _

_ “I...Manny, I never meant to hurt you. I thought-” _

_ “But you did hurt me, Jay. I thought you didn’t love me and I still never tried to hurt you like that.” _

_ Jay put his head in his hands. He had always hoped all those signs meant exactly this but he still went back to Jennifer every time. But why? He was miserable in all aspects except his kids. Manny was always right there in his thoughts. He struggled, trying to remember why he was in this situation. Manny stood, waiting. Each second that passed seemed to weigh heavier and heavier on her. “My love...just never felt enough for you. I didn’t feel like you needed me or wanted me.” _

Manny felt like he had stabbed her in the heart. She took a deep breath and frowned. “I made you feel like that?” Jay nodded and Manny sank to sit on the bench of the picnic table. “I’m sorry.”

Jay slid down to sit beside her. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Manny wiped at her eyes and then looked down at the ground. So softly, she said, “You’re everything. And that I made you feel the way I was feeling...when all this time we could have just been happy.” Jay took her hand in his, rubbing circles into her palm with his thumb. She felt free, and exhausted, and she curled into him. “And this hand I hold, I know you’ll be true to me.”

“Come on,” Jay said, standing up. He held out his hand and when she put hers in his again, he led her to a waiting cab. The cab was clearly meant for someone else but they weren’t there and Jay opened the door for Manny. She felt the urge to hesitate but instead she eagerly climbed him with him following. As soon as Jay gave the address and the cab took off, he was kissing her. It felt like Manny was whole again and she relished in the feeling. It didn’t matter that they were still drunk and things weren’t fully resolved. She was with Jay and that’s what was important. It was like they couldn’t get enough of each other and it was all Manny wanted.

Manny woke up to a piercing headache but she felt strong arms wrapped around her. She could deal with the hangover so long as he was beside her. She snuggled deeper into their cuddle causing Jay to groan slightly but stay asleep. She smiled and closed her eyes. This was heaven to Manny and she hoped she never came back to earth. 

When Manny woke up for good, she had a numbing pain in her head. She groaned, trying to fight the nausea. “I got some water and pain killers here for you.” Manny smiled. He was still here. She opened one eye and saw he was fully dressed and the panic and dread set in. It must have read all over her face because Jay sat on the bed and smoothed her hair.

“We still have things we need to fix, Manny. We can’t just forget about them and push ahead with this.” Manny frowned. This was her biggest fear; that in the harsh light of a new day and sobriety, he would leave again. That it was Craig all over again. “Last night-”

Manny sat up and pulled away from him. Her head and body resisted the sudden movement but she pushed them back. “If you say last night was fun, you can leave.”

“It doesn’t fix everything-”

“Then let’s fix it!” Jay sighed and Manny pulled herself out of the bed. He wasn’t going to get to leave her this time. She grabbed her clothes that were strewn about. “You can’t tell me you love me last night and then go back to Jennifer today. I don’t deserve that.” She was angrily trying to dress while also fighting the overwhelming nausea and throbbing headache.

“I think you need to just calm down for a minute and we can talk about this.”

Manny pulled her shirt on and stared at him, waiting. “If this conversation isn’t about how we can solve our issues while also making plans for our future, then we can’t talk about it.” He shifted ever so slightly and Manny, though feeling a crushing despair threatening to overtake her, nodded and walked out of the hotel room. She held her breath as she rushed towards the front of the hotel, praying a cab was there waiting. She didn’t hear him behind her but she refused to let anyone know how completely devastated she was. It was bad enough that she was very clearly taking the walk of shame. She may be madly in love with Jason Hogart but she was done being played. She was Manuella Santos and she refused to let another man make her feel incomplete.

_ The lawyer watched Jay sign the papers before notarizing them and sealing them up to deliver. It’s crazy how quickly things can end when they weren’t right; no matter how long they had lasted. The lawyer smiled and shook his hand, leaving Jay to feel like this was always supposed to be the outcome. Almost 40 years old, 2 kids, 1 on the way, and getting divorced. This was not the life he had planned but he felt free to finally have the life he wanted. There may be 3 additions to the plan but it was what it had always been: Manuella Santos. _

_ “I trust you with my heart,” he texted. Jason Hogart didn’t go down without a fight. _


End file.
